Chronological

You’ve made a mistake, in my opinion, of starting your article at the beginning, proceeding to the middle, and ending at the ending.  In other words, your article is completely chronological.  Everything is written about in the order-of-time during which it happened.  Sometimes this form of writing is appropriate.

Usually it’s a bit (sorry, I must be blunt) . . . it’s a bit boring.  May I suggest you look at your article again?  Maybe START with something (an incident?) that happens during the story.  You’ve got to GRAB the reader’s attention from the first word and from the first sentence.  I see a lot of student articles that start something like this:

It was 5.30am and my alarm clock went off . . .

I first thought of taking a parachute jump at age six . . .

“You must see Elvis’s home, Graceland,” Alison said, but 10 years passed before . . .

Sometimes, for a special reason, this form of opening may be appropriate, but usually it’s not.  It’s better that journalists create an opening that is attention-grabbing.  Don’t be a slave to chronological story telling . . . unless it’s for a specific purpose.  Readers LIKE to be grabbed by the opening sentence:

The Icelandic waiter pressed the knife against my throat and growled “No tip, madam?”

“Your credit card is stolen,” the Russian bank clerk said as he pressed an alarm and …

Fried cardboard, steamed leather and baked plastic make up the average dish in . . .

MAKE your reader want to read on.

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